


Fuck It, I Love You

by imawarlock



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Hair-pulling, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:07:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29470686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imawarlock/pseuds/imawarlock
Summary: Once upon a time, Levi had fantasized about killing Erwin Smith.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 15
Kudos: 296
Collections: Amazing EruRi Fics





	Fuck It, I Love You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [erwinsalive (Bierberella)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bierberella/gifts).



> a birthday fic for @dorkwinsalive on twitter <3
> 
> this is based on the original version of acwnr, the visual novel, so if you haven't read it and events seem a bit different to you, that's probably why (you should totally read it though, its the best version)

Once upon a time, Levi had fantasized about killing Erwin Smith. He’d dreamed about it, had become almost intensely obsessed with it in just the span of a few days, and had imagined it happening in what _he_ considered to be a reversal of the absolutely fucking _humiliating_ way Erwin had treated him.

_I’ll make him get on his knees,_ he’d decreed, _and beg for his life._

Back then, he had not been able to think of a more satisfying way to get revenge. It would’ve been perfect, but obviously, his thoughts had changed once he’d discovered that Erwin was not actually the arrogant bastard he’d believe him to be. One year later and Levi had no doubts that he was truly the opposite of all that, but oddly, his fantasy of having Erwin subdued before him had not completely gone away. No, instead of that it had just morphed into something else, something...well, _filthy,_ and that made Levi feel intensely hot with lust when he thought about it rather than just rage. 

Still, despite all of that — and despite how Erwin _had_ actually been on the ground before him for a moment that day, because it didn’t count — he never would have thought after trying to murder the man that he’d end up getting what he’d wanted, that he’d actually _succeed_ in having Erwin Smith ready and willing in front of him, especially in the man’s own fucking office. Now, though, it seemed that he had, but instead of holding a blade to his neck and being calm and in control of himself, Levi was leaning bare assed against Erwin’s desk, feeling almost completely overwhelmed at the sight of him kneeling between his legs with his cock right in front of his face. 

“Levi…” He murmured — all rosy cheeks and messy hair, looking up at him in a way that Levi had only ever imagined in his dreams — right before he eagerly pressed his warm, wet mouth to the inside of one leg. “Is this alright?”

“Uh…” Levi uttered in response to that, trying to find his words.

It was difficult, because his mind was absolutely racing out of control. How had they gotten there? How had things led to this, not only over the past year but that night too? He swore one second they’d been looking out the window discussing the weather and the next they were making out like their lives depended on it, desperately, roughly, and in such a feverish way that the sudden increase in heart rate had almost made Levi dizzy. Hell, it had happened so fast that Levi couldn’t even say who had kissed who first, only that Erwin’s hands had been all over him — _fuck,_ it had made him so damn _horny_ — and that he’d been pushed back against the desk so that Erwin could move to the ground and hastily jerk down his pants. 

Of course, it wasn’t like Levi was complaining. No, he wasn’t complaining at all, because he wanted this, _absolutely_ , and clearly Erwin did too. In fact, Levi did not doubt _that_ aspect of it at all, as he had actually suspected for a long time that there was something just...well, _there._ Something between them, he thought, other than what had turned into reciprocal admiration, respect, and trust, and that often caused a heated level of tension whenever they were in the same room together that was so thick he sometimes thought he might suffocate from his own desire. It was attraction, _strong_ attraction, and with the way that Erwin’s gaze lingered on him all the time, Levi had come to believe that it was mutual.

How could he not? Erwin may have thought he was subtle, but Levi had been distinctly aware of how it felt to have his piercing blue eyes on him from day one. At first it had angered him, unnerved him a bit perhaps, but then it had just started to make him excited — enough so that he often did whatever he could in order to entice that gaze back to him when it wasn’t already there. It hadn’t even been that hard to do, to be honest, but even if he had been purposefully trying to drive Erwin crazy in some way, it wasn’t like Erwin made things easy for him either. No, he stood closer to Levi than he needed to; he bent down so that he could talk low into his ear when it wasn’t fucking necessary; and he teased him in a way that almost bordered on _flirtatious_ whenever they were alone.

They were alone a lot too, and he didn’t do that shit with anyone else as far as Levi was aware of, and fuck, it wasn’t like he was an idiot or something. He could tell when someone with a dick wanted him, and Erwin Smith, even with all of his mystery, was no different — at least not in that regard, anyway. What _was_ special about him was the fact that Levi had accepted the attention he gave him in that way to begin with, because yeah, even if he _did_ like men, even if he liked men _a lot,_ he wasn’t normally one to encourage or even enjoy when others looked at him because most men were fucking pigs. Erwin, though...well, not only was Erwin _not_ a pig, Levi thought, but he just so happened to be the most gorgeous and perfect man he swore he had ever met in his life. 

He was big, he was handsome, and he was strong, and in addition to all of that, he had an impressive mind to match it all too. He was masculine while still managing to keep his appearance neat and tidy — cleanliness was incredibly important to Levi, _obviously_ — and fuck, he smelled good, and he also had the most magnificently thick, gloriously shaped ass and chest that Levi had ever seen. Really, who the hell could blame him for experiencing sexual attraction to someone like that? Reasoning it that way had helped Levi to easily accept his own desire for Erwin in the beginning, but...there were problems, and the first problem was that Levi knew that it wasn’t only Erwin’s ass that he wanted. 

No, he felt things for him, things that he had never felt for another man before, and that had grown in the months that passed after he’d returned with Erwin to the walls and was placed in his squad. At first, he hadn’t known how Erwin was going to treat him for obvious reasons — like how he’d been seconds away from slicing his fucking throat — but strangely, Erwin acted like it hadn’t even happened. Instead, he just treated Levi like any other soldier in the Survey Corps, but while that was all well and good, Levi didn’t _want_ to be just any other soldier, not to Erwin. He wanted to stand out to him, he had thought, to impress him somehow so that Erwin would notice him more than the others, largely because Erwin had been placed on some kind of pedestal in his mind and he wanted to make up for what had happened out there in the rain. 

He wanted to show Erwin that he was worth the second chance that he’d so graciously been given and that he could absolve his mistakes — something that actually turned out to be less difficult than he’d thought, as through Erwin he had also found motivation to use his power and abilities for something _big_ and _good_ that actually mattered. Still, he worked hard at it for nearly 3 months before it eventually paid off, before Erwin found him still awake and cleaning late one night while apparently taking a break from work. Levi had long ago noticed that the two of them often ended up being the only people awake in the wee hours of the morning, but usually they only exchanged pleasantries whenever they happened to cross paths.

This time, however, after greeting him, Erwin suddenly hesitated when he began to walk away, pausing silently for a long moment before turning back to Levi to ask if he could show him something. His question had seemed to occur to him on a whim, Levi recalled thinking, but it wasn’t something that Levi was going to say no to. Instead, he followed Erwin back to his office and was presented with plans for a new scouting formation — dozens of papers and maps covered with drawings and scribbles that told him this was something Erwin had been working on for a long, long time. True enough, Erwin told him he had started devising it years ago with plans to eventually present it to Shadis, but despite how he felt like he had finally perfected it enough to be able to do so, he had decided to ask Levi for his opinion. 

_Why?_ That’s what Levi kind of wanted to know, because upon hearing Erwin’s request he briefly felt a hint of surprise. Then, however, there was the uncomfortable sensation of actually being nervous about something for once in his life, but a second later and it had passed, as he forced himself to ignore it so that he could look down and study what had been placed before him. It took him a bit — only because Erwin hadn’t really explained anything about it other than what it was — but after a few minutes and some thoughts about all that he’d learned so far in regards to fighting titans, it was more than clear: the formation was clever, and excellent. 

_“This will prevent more deaths.”_ Was the first thing he told Erwin, lifting his head up to look at him after he’d come to his conclusion. 

For a moment, Erwin just stared at him again. His eyes were now blazing with fervent determination, Levi saw, although when he spoke next, his voice was soft. _“Yes.”_

After that, they began to talk, and the next morning Levi was left wondering if he had managed to pass some kind of test. Then, however, he realized much later that it wasn’t so much of a test as it was Erwin finding someone who understood him and who really listened, because gradually, night after night, that was what Levi did. Why wouldn’t he want to, though? Even after that first time, the night he was let into Erwin’s world, he was able to sense all of Erwin’s passion for what he was trying to do just simmering under the surface. His resolve, his fearlessness, his indomitable perseverance in striving for a noble goal — all of it was there, and gradually, Levi saw it come out in full force, piece by piece by increasingly sizable piece.

Piece by piece Levi saw other parts of Erwin too, like the animated, excited way he talked about his goals and the things he was interested in with bright eyes, somehow almost appearing childlike in his enthusiasm. It was so different than how he acted outside of the privacy of his office and in front of the other soldiers that Levi couldn’t help but be fascinated, nor could he resist the fact that Erwin’s smile and laugh seemed to light up the fucking room. He was kind, and surprisingly sensitive, and had his own odd sense of humor, and Levi found that he wanted more and more of all those things every single day. During that time, he opened up parts of himself to Levi — he couldn’t help but see all the things he learned as bricks, being stacked higher and higher atop a strong foundation of deep trust — and eventually they became what he would call close friends, but, of course, the ever increasing attraction was there too.

It grew, Levi felt, even as he came to understand that Erwin’s company made him happy and that he cared for his well-being more than perhaps was normal for a friendship, but even despite realizing that, Levi still wasn’t sure that he could fully comprehend what it all meant. A lot of his deeper emotions — or at least the reason for them — tended to be a jumbled mess on good days and even worse than that on bad, probably because he had spent so long ignoring them or pushing them into the back of his mind to fucking protect himself that he struggled to work them out, or to put a name to things like _love._ Either way, though, he was aware that he wanted Erwin in ways that didn’t only involve his desire to shove him up against a wall and kiss him until they both couldn’t fucking breathe, but then again, was that not an acceptable way to show it? 

Should he...try to _court_ him instead, or something, since he supposed this was what it must feel like to want a romantic relationship with someone? Did it even matter, because was any of that shit actually a good fucking idea for them in the first place? Personally, getting attached to other people had always been a double-edged sword for Levi because of the ever present spectre of death in the Underground, but he often wondered whether Erwin would even be interested in something like that anyway. He was just so focused on his goals, so devoid of distraction, and in addition to that it was just...well, despite how Levi _did_ feel like he knew Erwin better than most to some degree, he also sometimes found himself absolutely _certain_ that he didn’t know _everything_. 

In many ways Erwin had continued to be something of an enigma to him when he really thought about it, after all, and Levi wondered if there would always be parts of Erwin buried deep down inside of him that he would never be able to touch. Of course, things were complicated because they were soldiers too and it wasn’t like he would ever expect that to change anyway, nor did he even necessarily want it to in the first place. He was happy where he was by then — or at least, content — despite how the circumstances surrounding their ‘jobs’ were shit, and he had no idea whether it was possible to have a meaningful entanglement with someone while at the same time remaining loyal to his duties as a soldier. 

Everything was just so damn confusing, he thought, and honestly a bit terrifying to him in some ways because he was not used to opening up to anyone either, and there was that whole thing about not wanting to put himself in the position to experience yet another devastating loss. Honestly, though, it was probably far too late for that no matter what else might happen, but regardless, in the end all of those jumbled thoughts turned out to be part of the real reason why Levi was seemingly stunned and speechless now that Erwin was kneeling down in front of him. The other part was a concern about what this might mean to Erwin, about how this could change things in a bad way as well as a good one, but unfortunately, his continued silence seemed to be taken by Erwin as some kind of _dislike._

Before Levi could make his mind work, in fact — it was kind of hard to in the first fucking place when Erwin’s lips were inches away from his rock hard dick anyway, dammit — he pulled away almost completely, fully lifting his head to look at him while fixing his expression into something serious. 

“If you’re not certain, we can stop.” He said too, in a soft voice that made Levi’s heart do something stupid. 

_No, dammit,_ he thought though. He didn’t _want_ to stop. He didn’t want this to end before it had even really begun, not at all, and that was irregardless of what other types of feelings might be playing into it. Still, he wasn’t used to experiencing so many _emotions_ while having his cock out in front of another man, but...but couldn’t he think about it later? Couldn’t he figure out what this might signify another time, _after_ Erwin had finished sucking him off? Yeah, sure, he was able to admit that he didn’t think he wanted this to be meaningless or anything like that, but he was just so stupidly fucking _horny_ that he thought he would have blue balls for the rest of his life if he didn’t go through with it.

He wanted Erwin so bad that he almost did actually ache from it, in fact, and despite everything else, he would be nothing short of a moron if he were to pass up this chance no matter what ended up happening once it was over, right? That’s what his lust addled brain told him, and without seeing any other reason why he should hesitate, he decided that he was being ridiculous, and that there was no reason for him to act like he was a teenager about to receive his first blow job or something when that was _definitely_ not the case. Normally, he just wasn’t the type to be so...well, quiet and meek in the bedroom either, and he certainly didn’t want Erwin to think that he wasn’t interested in this, or that he didn’t want him or anything like that — especially when this was something he had dreamed about, fantasized about, and pleasured himself to many different times before while alone in his room. 

With that thought — _fuck it_ — and a new resolve brought on by how dissatisfied he was already at Erwin removing his hands from him, he inhaled a deep breath and swallowed, and lifted a palm so that he could slide it through the hair on top of Erwin’s head. 

“You think I’m gonna stop you from blowing me with that pretty mouth, Blondie?” He teased, licking his lips and eyeing Erwin’s own. They parted at his words, and although the room wasn’t very bright because there were only a few candles lit — it was nearly 1:00 AM, after all — he swore he could see Erwin’s eyes darken with arousal. Cocking his head, he tightened his fingers in Erwin’s hair, barely able to stop himself from pushing his head down and opening that mouth wider with his cock, imagining how he might rub the tip around Erwin’s reddened lips and smear them with sticky, wet pre-come. “If you want to, go ahead.”

“If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t be down here right now.” Erwin replied, in a low voice that nearly made Levi shiver. 

He leaned forward to kiss his thigh again while keeping their eyes locked together, and although Levi had to take another deep breath to steady himself, he didn’t look away when he spoke next. “Down on your knees?”

He couldn’t help it; the thought, the image, even the irony was exciting and more than arousing for him, and voicing it out loud to Erwin himself just made it better. Of course, Erwin didn’t take any offense and just smiled, all while continuing to press his mouth repeatedly against Levi’s bare skin.

“Yes.” He murmured, moving upward and over where Levi’s leg met his groin, his hip, and his belly right above his cock. “On my knees. In front of you. About to make you feel very, very good.”

Biting back a groan at that, Levi’s hand slid out of Erwin’s hair and down the back of his neck. He held him like that tightly, perhaps with the thought that it would at least keep him from moving away, but it still didn’t prevent Erwin from ducking his head back down and shifting to his other thigh. He mouthed at the inside of it, allowing his tongue to slide along the skin before moving higher like he had before, and when he shifted his neck just so, Levi somehow caught a glimpse of the small scar on the side of it. It was from his blade, he knew, from the day when his entire life had changed, and although he _did_ want to tell Erwin to just get on with it, he found himself running his thumb over the mark, eyeing it quietly for a moment before he spoke.

“You know…” He started, hearing how breathy his voice sounded in comparison to normal. It grew worse with every second, he was sure, _especially_ with how he continued to watch Erwin pepper such sensual kisses along his bare skin. “Back when I wanted to fucking kill you, I—

Levi interrupted himself with a gasp, unconsciously digging his fingers into Erwin’s neck because of how he’d suddenly pursed his lips over Levi’s hip and _sucked_. He’d done it hard and it was definitely going to leave a mark, and it took Levi a moment to remember what he’d been talking about when he thought of how he’d be able to see the bruise that would form on his skin for _days._

“When you wanted to kill me...what?” Erwin said, however, having pulled back enough so that he could more easily see all of what was in front of him. 

He sounded interested, but his eyes were on Levi’s middle, and his big hands — so big they made Levi’s well-developed thighs look small in comparison — grabbed at Levi's waist, his strong grip honestly almost making Levi whimper before he pushed his shirt up and kissed near his belly button.

“I, uh...I thought about this.”

“You thought about me sucking you off?”

_Shit._ For whatever reason, Erwin saying those words sounded incredibly dirty to him, and he had to close his eyes and grit his teeth briefly before continuing. 

“No...I mean, not at first.”

“So that means you did later—

“Yeah, but...fuck.” Again, Levi had to gasp and then swear — this time because Erwin’s tongue was licking around his navel while he breathed heavily against his skin, effectively giving him goosebumps even as he expressed just a _hint_ of mock frustration. “Let me finish, you fucker.” 

Erwin’s chuckle was muffled by Levi’s stomach, but finally, he moved his head and looked up to meet his eyes. “Alright, I’m sorry. Go ahead.”

“Before that...before I thought about _this,_ I wanted to make you get on your fucking knees when I killed you. I wanted to look down on you, and humiliate you, just like what you did to me in the Underground. That shit _really_ pissed me off, you know.”

“I know. You _did_ succeed, though.”

“Well, I didn’t kill you, but...” Levi uttered, ending up having to stop his words before he finished yet again because _fuck_ , Erwin was apparently so eager for this that it was impossible for him to just sit there and listen for long. At least this time he’d lowered his head back to where Levi wanted him the most, though, and nudged his balls with his nose, pursed his lips around the base of his cock, and fuck, fuck, dug his thumb into that very special spot in between Levi’s dick and his ass where his prostate could be felt, holy _shit_ —

“But what?” Erwin stopped to speak just as quickly as he had started to give Levi some _real_ pleasure, and this time, the frustrated sound that came out of Levi’s mouth was not fake in the least. 

“I guess…” He continued though, closing his eyes to concentrate and to block out Erwin’s sudden shit eating grin, even as part of him marveled at this newly seen side of him. It wasn’t just that he was being playful, Levi thought, because he had already experienced that before, but that he was now acting without any of his usual self-restraint whatsoever. To be honest, his behavior right then was kind of fucking devilish, and Levi sarcastically wondered if his original assessment of Erwin had actually been right after all, although his next words were only expressed with fondness rather than vitriol. “I _guess_ I’m glad that I didn’t, even if you still are kind of being a fucking bastard right now.” 

Unsurprisingly to Levi, Erwin just laughed at that. He was clearly amused by his comment but also seemed pleased too, so much so that after another second, he responded to him quickly and made it clear that their talking was _finally_ going to be over with. 

“Well, let me make you even more glad then.” He said, right before he pressed his closed lips to the tip of Levi’s cock, and then parted them so that he could slowly sink his mouth down past the head. 

“Oh, _fuck.”_ Levi blurted rather loudly, partly because Erwin had done it so suddenly after all his teasing, but also partly because...well, it felt fucking _amazing._

Erwin’s mouth was warm, wet, and tight around his dick — or at least it was when he started sucking a second later — so much so that Levi had been unable to keep from arching his back and pushing his hips forward. That had forced enough of himself between Erwin’s lips so that he was already bumping the back of his throat, but Erwin didn’t seem to mind at all, as he instead started to bob up and down without even skipping a beat. Still, he did grab Levi’s hips to push him back against the desk — to keep him from moving again, maybe — but Levi barely noticed because for a few moments, he was honestly completely overcome.

“Oh, fuck…” He gasped again, moving both his hands to grip at the edge of the desk. Throwing his head back too, he closed his eyes and bit his lip, trying to muffle the loud, uncontrollable moan that was going to come out when Erwin took all of him into his mouth and—

_“Erwin_ —

_Slurp._

Erwin had completely swallowed him and pressed his nose into Levi’s belly, but then suddenly he drew back enough to let Levi’s cock fall from his lips. It made a lewd sound and Levi _did_ whimper now, straining his hips a bit underneath Erwin’s hands as if to chase after his mouth. What the fuck? Why did he stop, already? Was there a problem?

Levi didn’t know, but the question left his mind when he opened his eyes and saw Erwin’s face. His own eyes were wide, Levi noticed, and he almost looked kind of astonished, appearing similar to how Levi had felt earlier as if he couldn’t believe this shit was actually happening. Had it just hit Erwin, or something? Either way, for whatever reason it made Levi’s already flushed cheeks burn even more, and although he found himself averting his gaze as his expression softened without his approval, Erwin must have seen what he wanted in it, or what he needed, for after another second he dove right back in as if he hadn’t even stopped.

In fact, he actually seemed even more eager than he’d been before, because in addition to wrapping his lips around Levi’s wet cock again, he reached around to grab at Levi’s ass, almost pulling him forward and in the direction of his mouth on his own before Levi could even react. Once he was able to, though, once he’d somehow stifled what had threatened to be another very loud noise, he jutted his hips out for even more and this time reached out to grab onto Erwin’s hair again for purchase.

Unlike a few moments ago when he had been conscious of how roughly he treated the strands, he now had little control over that in comparison, and ended up fisting his fingers around them so tightly and tugging so hard that he half expected Erwin to pause again so that he could protest. Somehow, though, he didn’t, and instead of doing anything else just groaned — a deep, satisfied sounding noise that seemed to reverberate from his chest straight through Levi’s dick. In turn, Levi echoed the sound and gasped, barely restraining himself from just letting go and rolling his hips in abandon to fuck Erwin’s mouth in time with how he moved up and down. 

Fuck, even the thought was enough to make him shudder, and it wasn’t like Erwin was discouraging it or anything either with the way that he was squeezing and kneading Levi’s ass — making it impossible for him to draw away even if he wanted to — and blowing him so eagerly that his pace _and_ the lower half of his face had already become a sloppy, wet mess. 

Fully prepared to stay like that and come down Erwin’s throat, Levi found that he couldn’t stop himself anymore after a while, and began to push Erwin’s head down lower in time with his movements. He instinctively wasn’t too keen on helping him lift it back up, naturally, but he knew Erwin needed air, and somehow refrained from holding him in place until he fucking lost his breath and choked. 

After all, wouldn’t it be fucking stupid, he mused in the back of his mind, if after everything, after pursuing Erwin with hatred in his heart, trying to violently kill him with his sword, and then coming to deeply care for and want him, he accidentally suffocated him with his dick?

The thought, although kind of funny, came and went quickly, because just as Levi was beginning to become tense and more desperate, Erwin suddenly revealed that he was apparently not quite ready to finish this just yet. Instead, he ended up shifting after another moment or two so that he could shove Levi backward and fully onto the desk, pulling off too, _unfortunately_ , even as he grabbed Levi’s legs and threw them over his shoulders. It all happened so fast that Levi was barely left with any time whatsoever to recognize what Erwin was doing, because seemingly within one blink of the eye his ass was flat on the wood and Erwin was rummaging around in one of his drawers. 

“Can I touch you here?” He asked then, uttering the question in a voice that sounded thick and hoarse because of what he’d been doing, and using the thumb of his free hand to indicate just which part of Levi he was actually asking about.

He rubbed underneath his balls in the same spot as earlier, and then pushed the digit between his ass cheeks, pressing against his hole in a way that made it more than clear what he wanted even if he hadn’t yet gotten permission. Of course, it wasn’t like Levi was going to deny him that necessarily, although he did pause for several seconds to consider it, as it wasn’t that he disliked such things, but there had been very, very few men that he had ever allowed to handle him like that in his life. To him, it required a lot of trust because he felt it made things more intimate and he was more vulnerable like that, but all it took was a brief look into Erwin’s eyes to remind himself that he trusted him more than anyone else in the world, and that even if this was not how he had really imagined things going, he wouldn’t actually give a shit if it ended up with _him_ underneath Erwin instead of the other way around. 

In fact, the thought of giving himself to Erwin like that — as well as the thought of Erwin taking him — made him feel more worked up than he already was, and so he nodded, lowering himself so that he was resting on his elbows on the desk and moving to dig his heels into Erwin’s back. 

“Yeah. Do it.” He panted too, immediately feeling his mouth fall open when Erwin grabbed what he’d been looking for —oil — and then spread it all over his hand, wasting no time before he inserted his middle finger into Levi’s ass while taking his cock into his mouth again too. 

“Shit.” Levi moaned, having to shut his eyes at the pleasure. It was all but doubled now, he thought, because he was suddenly being stimulated in two of his most sensitive fucking areas, and once Erwin started fingering him and sucking him off at the same time in earnest, Levi felt his toes curl around Erwin’s back and his hands clench into fists over where they rested on the desk. “S-shit. Fuck.”

At that point, whatever control Levi had over himself and the way he reacted began to vanish, because rather than attempt to try to force Erwin’s pace or handle him roughly, he basically just melted and let Erwin do what he wanted on his own. To be honest, he didn’t even know if he could have maintained whatever ounce of power he had still held over the situation if he’d wanted to by then, because it just felt too fucking good, because Erwin did not hesitate to start massaging his prostate with the finger he’d pushed inside of him. It made him whimper, Levi knew, and it made him tremble, and it caused his stupid voice to become more high-pitched and shaky while there was absolutely nothing that he could do to stop it. 

“Keep...keep going…” He breathed instead, wanting more, wanting to feel as much of Erwin inside him all of a sudden as fucking possible. “I can take more, _shit_ —

Although Erwin had been continuing to blow him that entire time — albeit more lazily, probably because he was distracted — he again pulled off with a filthy wet noise, at least making up for it in response to Levi’s fucking whine by licking a long stripe up the bottom of his cock.

“You mean here?” He asked, revealing his reason for the pause by crooking his finger up in just the right way — something that made Levi’s back arch completely without his permission.

“Yes.” He groaned, lifting his hips and ending up completely flat on the wood finally, with his head resting on top of the desk and his legs purposefully spread as wide as they could go. 

Biting down hard on his tongue when he felt Erwin comply and insert the tip of another finger, he managed to keep the volume down on _most_ of the sounds he made as Erwin worked the digit all the way in to join the first one. He couldn’t hope to control it any further when he eventually added a third, though, but how the fuck was he supposed to when Erwin’s fingers felt so big on their own — they were definitely larger than Levi’s, that was for sure — and when the sensation of being stretched just turned into the sensation of being _full,_ and Erwin had started to pump them in and out as if he was actually fucking him? 

He couldn’t, but throwing his arms over his face kind of helped, _at least_ for a few seconds until Erwin told him not to.

“Levi... _don’t.”_ He’d said heatedly, honestly sounding just about as wrecked as Levi did. He had yet to return his mouth to Levi’s cock, though, and despite how Levi had screwed his eyes shut for most of this, he knew that Erwin had been sitting there watching him. “I want to hear the sounds you make.”

“B-but, someone else—

“Nobody will hear. You know we’re the only two awake.”

It was true — 99% of the time, at least — but Levi made another muffled sound, all but writhing on the desk when Erwin leaned forward to mouth at the inside of his thigh, his balls, and finally, once again, the underside of his cock. Immediately, he responded by reaching down to grab at Erwin’s hair like he had before, suddenly feeling some of his control returning as he became desperate for Erwin to start sucking him off again. He tugged, and Erwin grunted, but thankfully a second later, he gave Levi what he wanted. He swallowed his cock and deepthroated him again, in fact, and shoved all three of his fingers inside of him to the last knuckle, lifting and lowering his head and sucking on him so hard that the light glinting off his cheekbones made them look like blades in the fucking darkness. 

Levi felt blessed by whatever god was out there to get a glimpse of that shit to be honest, because fuck, Erwin looked...well, he looked kind of beautiful like that — his golden lashes seemed to almost glow against the ruddiness of his cheeks, glinting with moisture from the way his eyes must have been watering — but his lips were swollen and there was saliva all over his chin and his mouth also looked _used,_ and with that in his field of vision plus everything else, it seemed like only a few moments more before Levi was close to coming. He was tense, and sweaty, and flushed incredibly hot, and soon strung as tight as a fucking bowstring from how the pleasure had built and built and built, right up until it finally snapped and he finished in an abrupt, intense rush. 

His vision practically went white, he _swore_ , as he shuddered and grabbed onto Erwin and probably made the very loud noises that Erwin had wanted to hear, riding out his orgasm for as long as he could — Erwin had swallowed all the come he’d given him, but he hadn’t stopped sucking as if he sought to draw out each and every single drop — until the pleasure faded and the continued stimulation began to be too much, causing him to whimper and squirm and Erwin to finally let his cock slip from his lips and remove all of his fingers. Lifting his head to try and get a glimpse of him now, Levi barely was able to do so before Erwin was suddenly in his arms, having stood up in a flash and leaned over so that he could press their lips together and kiss him. 

He did it hard enough so that Levi was sure his mouth would be bruised the next day, but it wasn’t like he cared, because he moved to cling to Erwin as desperately as Erwin was now holding onto him, kissing him back and panting into his mouth and still letting out a moan at the wet, messy feel of Erwin’s tongue sliding against his while they made out. Erwin pressed their lips together again and again and again, Levi thought — as if he was air, and Erwin would suffocate without him — and didn’t stop until Levi broke it on his own, jerking his mouth away when he felt Erwin’s hips start to grind into his ass. His still covered cock brushed against Levi’s softening one too, and although he practically hissed at the sensitivity, he wasn’t about to tell Erwin to stop after what had just happened.

“Levi…” He heard Erwin breathe then, sounding so needy while pressing his face into Levi’s neck that even if he _hadn’t_ been rubbing up against him like that, Levi probably would have been able to guess what he wanted. 

“Shit, Erwin.” He swore though, because despite being sure that he would allow this and that he definitely wanted it too — and that he _would_ grant the permission Erwin was physically asking for by rubbing himself against him — he had barely even recovered from his first orgasm, and needed a minute before they started again, just a minute, one single, fucking minute—

“Okay.” Levi said then, interrupting his own thoughts to at least let Erwin know that he would be getting some relief soon, because clearly he fucking needed it, especially with how he’d just spent all his time only focusing on pleasuring Levi without even touching himself once. At that point, even if didn’t want Erwin’s cock inside him now he’d probably be a huge fucking asshole to deny him something after all that, but thankfully it wasn’t an issue, because the thought made him feel more flustered than he ever would have expected before. “Okay. Okay, fuck, _shit_ , just gimme a second, Erwin—

Erwin groaned into his neck in response to that and then reached over to dig his fingers into Levi’s thigh, hoisting it around his waist even as Levi moved to wrap all his limbs around him on his own. His actions were impatient ones and Erwin’s certainly were too, although he did acknowledge his words by nodding into his neck, even as he bit down onto Levi’s collarbone all of a sudden and breathed heavy against his skin. Clearly, Levi’s assurance had done nothing to calm Erwin much even if he _was_ willing to hold off, because instead of that, he just shifted his weight onto one arm a second later, reaching down so that he could hastily undo his belt and pants, and apparently being unable to resist the desire to pull his cock out so that he could continue rocking his hips into something solid. 

That something, of course, was still the outside of Levi’s ass, but his dick slid across his stomach, hot and hard and pressed tightly in between their two bodies, occasionally brushing against Levi’s own and making him twitch and jerk. Each touch was like an electric shock to his system in that way, he thought, at least at first, but thankfully the sensitivity was fading fast, as it was impossible for him to ignore Erwin’s movements and be still and quiet while lying there anyway. No, instead of that, in fact, Levi had begun lifting his own hips to meet Erwin’s too, doing so almost instinctively and without thought the more he found that he could take it. Fuck, it was arousing, making him gasp as he started to feel sweaty again, and it did not help when Erwin kept making moaning sounds into his ear whenever they happened to touch. 

He groaned his name too all of a sudden, Levi heard, and he swore that in the next second he heard Erwin whisper _‘please,’_ and...well, there was no way in hell Levi could make him wait any longer, even if hearing and seeing Erwin — normally so collected — acting like he was barely in control of himself was something he wanted to make sure he could recall forever. Honestly, though, it almost seemed cruel to deny him anymore at that point when Levi knew he wasn’t going to break anyway, and so with that thought in mind, he shifted underneath him, lifting his ass and showing Erwin that he was ready even as he spoke. 

“Okay.” He said too, just in case Erwin didn’t get it, _just in case_ the fact that he had moved to try and line up properly with his cock didn’t tell him that he was fine. “Okay, do it. Fuck me like you mean it, big guy, come _on.”_

Erwin did not hesitate. He moved lightning fast instead, naturally, and reached down only to make sure that he was oiled up properly before Levi suddenly felt the blunt head of his cock nudging against his hole. His insides were still slick and there had been enough on Erwin’s hand from earlier to coat himself and allow him to slide in easy, but _fuck_ he was huge — or at least, that was what it felt like as soon as the pressure from Erwin pushing into him gave and he began to inch deeper. Gasping harshly, Levi dug his fingers into Erwin’s back and...well, couldn’t help but freeze and just _clench._

Gradually, though, he relaxed with Erwin’s help, as somehow, despite how he was surely beyond ready to let himself go and nearly out of his mind with desire, he sensed Levi stiffen in surprise and turned to kiss him, slowly and carefully working himself deeper until he had finally bottomed out. By then, they were both actually fucking trembling and clutching at each other — Levi because he was quite sure nothing this big had ever been in his ass, and Erwin most likely from the effort it was taking to hold himself back. It was either that, Levi thought, or he was struggling not to fucking come already because he knew it _had_ to be tight, but either way, he did not let it stop him from beginning to truly move. 

He started out slow, of course, drawing his cock nearly all the way out of Levi before thrusting back in, but it did not take long before the pace picked up and Erwin began to go faster, now urged on by Levi who had found that it was more exciting to lower his thighs from around Erwin’s waist so that he could lift his own hips up and down harder to meet him. The rhythm they established like that was fucking perfect, in fact, and honestly completely thrilling to Levi too, and as they worked together in unison, going faster and faster until Erwin was all but slamming into him each time he jerked his ass forward, Levi began to feel something that wasn’t just pleasure. Instead, it was...it was something _emotional_ — a connection, the feeling of being so completely in tune with another person that he almost couldn’t tell where he ended and where Erwin actually began. 

No sooner had it hit him either than he realized that Erwin must have been able to feel it too, because like Levi, he had suddenly gone silent even though they were still fucking, quieting the grunts and groans that had been coming out of his mouth and shifting to just stare into his eyes. Boldly, Levi stared back, knowing that his open-mouthed, flushed face, and sweat dampened hair was reflected in Erwin’s expression exactly, and finding that he was unable to look away even if he wanted to. Thankfully, though, he did not, because then he would have missed the absolute adoration, vulnerability, and openness in Erwin’s eyes right then — something that he was suddenly certain no one else had gotten a glimpse of in a very, very long time. 

Of course, it was the same for him too — no, he thought then, it was possibly even more extreme, because he had not let anyone in like this before _ever,_ not when he had all those reservations about getting attached to people because of the risk. The fear he held deep down about it was actually stronger than even he wanted to admit, because after all, going through so many prior losses had convinced him that it would just be fucking stupid to give away another piece of his heart. Lying there, however, and looking into Erwin’s bright blue eyes as he felt Erwin moving inside him, meeting him halfway every time, he strangely did not feel afraid in the least, and all of his prior questions and concerns about how a relationship between them might actually work no longer seemed to matter at all. 

No, what mattered to him was that Erwin appeared to care for him in the same way that he cared for Erwin, and if he was lucky enough to receive his affection in the first place then surely they could make it work, right? He thought so, and it was almost fucking amazing to him how simple it seemed now when before, he’d clearly been overthinking it. Even if he hadn’t been, though, and even if they did this and it eventually ended in suffering or loss or misery or _whatever_ , in that moment, he felt that regardless of what might happen in the future this time the risk would be worth it — _fuck it,_ he thought. 

How did he know that, though? Well, it was clear from the way Erwin was gazing at him that in exchange for what he was passing along, Levi would be getting yet another part of Erwin in return too — something that was undeniably precious, and that just so happened to be the exact thing that Levi had sensed he’d been lacking before. _This_ was what he’d thought he’d never be able to reach, he knew, and even if it might not turn out to be exactly _all_ of Erwin, it was enough for Levi, as he could see what he meant to Erwin in his open-hearted expression, feel it in the utter devotion that Erwin’s lips paid to his own when he suddenly kissed him, and even hear it as Erwin pulled away a second later to raggedly whisper his name. 

He was on the edge, Levi knew, so close to coming that he could feel the tension in Erwin’s back, and so he wrapped his arms around Erwin’s head and moved as eagerly as he could, clenching around Erwin’s cock until he was suddenly right there too — somehow, amazingly reaching the peak without touching himself just in time for him to finish again along with Erwin, who buried himself deep one last time before he stilled and then let out a long moan. It was a stuttered sounding one too, Levi thought, but he was sure the noise he made was exactly the same, although if he did he didn’t truly realize it, because for several long moments he was too overcome with absolute pleasure to notice anything else. This orgasm was even more intense than the first, he only concluded after, wracking him with such strong, blissful sensations that he continued to feel shaky long after it was all over. 

Swallowing first, though, he opened his eyes once the immediate sensations began to fade, and realized that Erwin must have been experiencing something similar as he’d all but collapsed on top of him like he’d abruptly lost control of his knees. Levi didn’t fucking blame him because he was pretty damn sure that he wouldn’t be able to stand up right then anyway either, but despite how the weight over him was welcome, it was also heavy, and he was unfortunately forced to shift sooner rather than later when it started to become uncomfortable. At that point, Erwin — who had been resting with his face on one arm, above Levi’s shoulder — seemed to suddenly realize what he was doing and that he needed to move, for his head shot up like he’d been shocked and forgotten where he was as he stared down at Levi with wide eyes. 

“Levi.” He uttered then, gazing at his face and shifting so that he could support himself on his elbows. For a second, he paused with his mouth hanging open, and then seemed to glance Levi over with an expression of mild concern — one that made sense when he spoke again a moment later. “Are you alright? Did I hurt—

Levi cut Erwin off by grabbing both sides of his face and pulling him down for a kiss. He rolled his eyes even as he did so too, purposefully pressing his lips against Erwin’s with as much insistence and certainty as he could muster. He _hoped_ that got the fucking message across, that no, _of course_ Erwin hadn’t hurt him and to even think that shit was ridiculous as hell, and thankfully, Erwin did eventually seem to get it — at least after a moment where he was frozen until he gradually gave in and began to kiss Levi back. This time the movements of their lips were much, much more soft and gentle in comparison to before, although Erwin had not quite gotten all his breath yet, and pulled away to hover about an inch or two above Levi’s face a few seconds later. 

“What a stupid fucking question that was.” Levi couldn’t help but declare then, mainly because Erwin’s eyes were still a bit wide, as if he couldn’t believe this had happened at all.

That was what Levi assumed, at least, because he knew the feeling too, but unlike him, it soon became apparent that Erwin hadn’t just...accepted it like he had. Levi could tell because as the seconds passed his expression did not change much, and then he began to pull away — _and_ pull out, which ridiculously made Levi feel like he was losing the things that he had just gained, or that their connection had not been what he’d thought it to be — only standing up for a brief moment before he stepped back and then sat down hard in his chair. It had been pushed away from the desk, obviously, by Erwin himself, but now he was starting to look like he regretted doing that along with everything else that had happened after too. 

Unfortunately, Levi saw no other way to read Erwin’s tightly drawn brow, concerned frown, and eyes that were staring at the floor and didn’t seem to want to look at him, but...but what the fuck? What was the problem? Had he suddenly done something wrong within the span of just a few minutes? Levi couldn’t think of anything that _he_ might have done at all, as they’d just been kissing, and everything before that had seemed to have been _good._ Had it not been for Erwin after all, somehow? Had he completely fucking misread things, and just made a major fool of himself for assuming too much? He didn’t know, but after all of that, he supposed that jumping to conclusions was probably fucking stupid.

“Erwin.” He murmured with that thought, trying to keep his voice even as he pushed himself up, moving into a sitting position so that he could better look at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I...I think that this may have been a mistake.”

Feeling his own brow tighten, Levi stared at Erwin for a second, hoping that he had somehow heard him wrong, but realizing after just a moment that he hadn’t. 

“Fuck.” He swore, moving then to stand up, walk a few feet away, and tuck himself back into his pants. Standing with his back to Erwin, he glowered down at the belts and fastens as he hastily covered everything up, struggling to hold back the anger and the frustration and the...well, _pain_ that was threatening to well up. Honestly, he wanted to throw something if the shit Erwin had just said actually turned about to be true and how he really felt, but couldn’t they just...couldn’t they _talk_ about it first? “What the hell do you mean? Why? Did you even...did you not…”

Levi trailed off, suddenly unsure of what to say. He _wanted_ to ask Erwin if he had felt the same thing he had a moment ago, but he was bad at talking about shit like that to begin with and it didn’t help that he was now doubting whether Erwin even actually would. It was shitty, and it _hurt_ , but he just didn’t fucking understand. He had been so _sure_ earlier that Erwin had experienced the same thing he had, that the emotion and the intimacy of what they’d been doing hadn’t all just been in his head, but...but had it? Was he fucking crazy, and so desperate for Erwin’s attention or something that he had just made that shit up?

No, he thought then. No, he wasn’t. He’d wanted it, and he cared about Erwin in a way that he didn’t think he’d ever cared about anyone, but Erwin had looked at him with warmth and adoration in his eyes and all over his expression, and Levi was too protective of his own emotions to imagine something like that and then let his guard down. 

“Perhaps I did feel something, Levi…” Erwin said then, apparently understanding what he’d meant somehow and seemingly confirming what Levi had just thought — vindicating him for one, single split second before he fucking continued and tore his momentary triumph right back down. “But that doesn’t mean it was actually real, or that we should...I—

_“What?”_

“We were just having sex. Sometimes, this happens. I shouldn’t have kissed you to start with though, and I’m sorry. Whatever you or I felt...it doesn’t actually mean anything.”

At that point, Erwin finally did manage to lift his head and look at Levi. Apparently, he’d just needed time to fix his expression into something stern and hard and final to back up his words, but Levi wasn’t fucking buying it — not when he recognized that it was the same face Erwin made when he was giving orders, advising Shadis, or speaking to his squad members. It was a mask, he knew that now because he had seen in great detail what lay behind it, and he just couldn’t believe that what Erwin was trying to tell him was true. Yeah, sure, it wasn’t like he was an expert on fucking relationships or...or love or anything like that, but Erwin hadn’t been faking when he’d been inside him. 

No, although Levi could not know one hundred percent for certain, he suspected that Erwin was just trying to bullshit _himself_ , because he felt guilty or because there were too many reasons that they _shouldn’t_ actually do this since they were soldiers, as one of them could be dead and in a titan’s belly within the next few months and there was no way to predict it. Levi understood because that had been one of the major things he’d been struggling to reconcile before this, but if they both recognized it, why did it matter? Their feelings for each other could exist at the same time as their other hopes and dreams did without getting in the way, and as long as they acknowledged that their relationship wouldn’t be put first, wasn’t it alright? 

Levi thought so and was fine with that, because Erwin’s drive was one of the things he loved about him anyway. He wanted nothing more than to see his goals come to fruition too so that humanity could live outside the walls, but if Erwin felt doubts about that or anything else or even just didn’t want the distraction, why couldn’t he just say that instead of outright denying everything and trying to push him away? Had the long nights they’d spent growing closer together meant nothing? What about the respect, and trust — trust that Levi had worked his _ass off_ to build — and all that tension between them, as well as even their friendship? There was no way that it didn’t, he wanted to believe, but unless Erwin could admit it, then... _well—_

“Erwin.” Levi said then, walking back over slowly so that he was standing nearly in front of him. He spoke in a clear voice, but one that was calm, somehow managing to wrangle the storm of emotions inside of him for Erwin’s benefit so they could hopefully discuss this. “So you’re telling me that after all of this...after everything we’ve fucking been through this last year, I mean nothing to you?”

Erwin opened his mouth right away to respond, and for a brief moment Levi felt uplifted with hope. It only lasted for a single second though, because no sooner had Erwin’s face slackened in just the slightest than he closed his lips, frowned again, and shook his head. 

_“Bullshit.”_ Levi snapped. “How can you say that? We’ve spent so many fucking nights in here, you’re _different_ with me— 

“Levi, I think you should go.” Erwin said then, interrupting him as his gaze once again returned to the ground. “Please, just go.”

At that, Levi’s hands clenched in frustration. He also felt like he’d been punched in the gut, because...well, he supposed that was fucking it, then. Erwin was denying it, and even if Levi didn’t want to believe he was telling the truth — the way Erwin was struggling to look him in the eye said a lot — he couldn’t keep arguing if Erwin wouldn’t talk to him. It was like he’d shut down, completely, after opening the door wide open for Levi when they’d been fucking, and regardless of his reasoning, rejection _always_ stung. Shit, how could he have been so stupid? He’d locked his heart up for a fucking reason, after all, and it was hard to imagine himself ever giving anyone the key to it again when the one time he had, the one time he’d actually felt safe enough to do so, it had immediately been ignored and thrown out the damn window. 

Of course, he couldn’t solely blame Erwin when he’d failed to protect himself, and he didn’t. Still, it was hard not to feel anger and exasperation and soreness over all of it, but whatever. If Erwin wanted him to fucking go, he would go, and he would pretend this hadn’t happened and return to being just another unfamiliar soldier in Erwin’s squad — although, apparently not without venting some of the negative emotions that he felt as he did so.

“Stubborn fucking bastard.” He spat out, whirling on his heel and trying to hastily straighten his clothing before he exited into the hallway. 

He walked forward, putting one foot in front of the other until he had moved past Erwin’s desk, stomped over the rug, and closed the distance between himself and the doorknob, quickly reaching out with a hand to twist it as his face flushed hot with defeat, humiliation, and—

_“Wait.”_

Levi stiffened. Erwin’s voice sounded out behind him, but why? What the hell did he want him to wait for? He’d just told him to fucking go; hadn’t that been enough to make Levi feel like shit?

“What?” He asked with that thought, turning his head to look over his shoulder and speak in a harsh voice. “You just told me to fucking leave, and now you want me to wait? Which is it, Erwin? Make up your mind, because I don’t have all night.”

Staring at Erwin, Levi watched as he closed his eyes for a moment, and then sighed. When he opened them again, he looked directly at him, and Levi noticed how most of the hardness had drained from his expression. Still, he wasn’t going to hope for anything, because how could Erwin have a change of heart within seconds?

“I don’t actually want you to leave.” Erwin told him then, however. “That’s the last thing I want, Levi.”

“Then why—

“Because, I just don’t know if I...I mean, you _are_ important to me, but I’m not sure I can give you what you want. What you deserve.”

“What are you talking about, Erwin?” Levi asked, taking his hand off the doorknob at that and fully turning around. 

Okay, he thought, Erwin had started to try to explain himself, but still, it wasn’t making much sense to him. All he knew was that Erwin looked very sad all of a sudden, and he couldn’t fully understand _why_ when he’d already gotten a glimpse of what he’d wanted before.

“I’m committed to this.” Erwin told him though, holding out his hand and gesturing towards his desk, at his paperwork, at all of the books stacked on the ground and the dozens and dozens of rolled up maps resting in a pile beside it. “And I can’t change that. I can’t give you everything, as much as I wish that I could.”

Levi wrinkled his nose at that. Obviously, Levi knew what Erwin was referring to — his devotion to being a soldier of the Survey Corps, his determination to free humanity from the titans, all the bullshit that Levi speculated might be holding him back earlier — because he had, of course, been aware of all that from the beginning. After all, those were things that had impressed him about Erwin to begin with, and that he admired him for and liked about him. Why would that change now? Feeling a bit more reassured now that Erwin had explained himself some — and said he ‘wished that he could’ give him everything — Levi’s anger and irritation melted away. He could talk Erwin out of this, right? He hoped so, especially considering that he’d actually read Erwin like a fucking book earlier when he’d tried to bullshit him.

“So I was right then.” Levi said in response to that first, letting his palm slide from the doorknob as he walked back towards Erwin. Wanting to sit down and show that he was calm again, he perched himself on the corner of Erwin’s desk, twisting to face him like he had so many other times before while in his office. “You _are_ full of shit.”

“Levi—

“Don’t you think I already know about all that, Erwin? I do, and I don’t fucking care.”

“You may believe that, but you deserve more. You deserve a better life, a free life, a _long_ life, and it was selfish of me to drag you into being a soldier.”

“Stop talking like that. Aren’t you listening to me? You got me out of that underground hellhole, and you think—

“But Levi—

“You also told me that I could leave here any time I fucking wanted, right?”

Erwin — or at least, Erwin’s stubborn resistance which had so far remained relatively steady since Levi had sat down — seemed to deflate a little at that. He didn’t respond to Levi right away, in fact, and although he did look away again, it was obviously in thought and not because he was being stubborn. For that reason, Levi bit his lip and remained silent as he watched him, not wanting to interrupt while he worked it out but also not wanting to hope too much that he would succeed in convincing him. This shit was complicated, he thought, far more complicated than he would want to deal with if he didn’t like Erwin so much, but even if Erwin still told him no now, at least he would be able to say that he tried. 

“That is true, Levi.” Erwin eventually said though, after a few more silent seconds had passed and he looked up again. “I did say that. But...I just don’t want you to do something that you’d regret.”

For some reason, that word — _regret_ — made Levi tense up, along with the insinuation that he would change his mind someday about Erwin, or his feelings for him, or his place in the Survey Corps at all. To be honest, the mere suggestion that he might possibly do so kind of made him bristle as if it was _offensive_ to him, although it didn’t make him angry at Erwin. Instead, it just made him more motivated than ever to convince Erwin that he was being ridiculous, because Levi had decided that he would never, ever regret the decision he’d made that had led him to where he was now in the first place. He couldn’t afford to, he knew, because he owed it to others, and even if he didn’t it wasn’t like he held any regret whatsoever in his heart anyway, and besides...Erwin was the one who had taught him about the importance of things like that to begin with. 

Suddenly feeling a surge of fierce determination, he pushed himself off Erwin’s desk and stepped in between his legs, bending so that he could grip the back of the chair he was sitting in on either side of his head before he leaned in close. Because of his height, that meant that he was now essentially face to face with Erwin — he had only left about half a foot of space between them — which was what he’d wanted, as he saw no other way than to ensure that Erwin heard and believed what he was about to say.

“You’re the one who told me to make the choice that I’d regret the least.” He murmured, staring deep into Erwin’s eyes. “I did back then, and I am now. I’ve never once regretted anything since I’ve been here, and if you fucking want me, Erwin, then there’s no reason for you not to accept it.”

For what seemed like an eternity, there was complete silence other than the sound of their breathing. Erwin did not say anything in response and Levi did not say anything to further press his point, and neither one of them moved either. Just when Levi thought that Erwin was still going to reject him though, that he was still going to refuse him and tell him to leave again, he didn’t. Instead, he very slowly, very carefully lifted a hand up so that he could press it against Levi’s cheek, curling his fingers around the back of his head to bring him down for a kiss. Because Levi knew what he was going to do at that point, however, he closed the last bit of remaining space between them — earlier, it might as well have been a fucking wall — and pressed his lips against Erwin’s hard. 

Like that, they stayed for a few more seconds while Levi struggled to control the immense relief rushing through him and Erwin gradually relaxed. Then, however, the next thing that Levi knew was that Erwin was pulling him into his lap and they were kissing just as hungrily as they had been at the start of all this, with Levi pressing himself against Erwin’s chest as tightly as he could and grabbing both sides of his face, and Erwin sinking lower into the chair while wrapping an arm around Levi’s middle. When his hand slid down to rest over his ass and give it a light but loving squeeze, Levi knew without any remaining doubt whatsoever that...well, that he had fucking won. 

Even so, however, and even though he felt like he could probably sit there and kiss Erwin for days if it were possible, they did eventually have to part, because if they didn’t, then Levi was just going to end up with his back on the desk all over again, he thought. 

“Wait.” He said then, breaking the kiss suddenly with an intake of breath. “Hey, wait…”

“Wait?” Erwin replied, looking adorably confused, as he didn’t understand why Levi was saying that after he’d just spent all that time convincing him to do the opposite. 

“I mean, if you don’t stop we’re gonna have to fuck again, and we can’t. My ass is already sore from—

Erwin interrupted Levi with a short, quiet chuckle, and despite all of the making out just then and the fact that Levi had broken through to him and Erwin had accepted it, the small smile that appeared on his face made him feel better than everything else. It was so beautiful to him, so promising and so soft — an expression that Levi had never seen him give to anyone else. That meant that it was for him and for him only, and although it was somewhat rare for him to do so himself, Levi couldn’t help but give him one in return too.

“I still don’t think I deserve you.” Erwin murmured then, after he’d returned his hand to Levi’s cheek and caressed it with his thumb. 

“Well, that’s too bad.” Levi responded, ducking his head down for another kiss. This one was light, and quick, but he remained close after pulling away so that his forehead was nearly touching Erwin’s. “Because I want to be here, and I’m not going anywhere. Guess you’ll have to fucking get used to it.”

“I am used to it. I’m spoiled. And I’m very lucky.” 

After smiling at him again, although a bit wanly, Erwin suddenly shifted to pull Levi back closer, this time for a hug — ironically, their very first, and one that Erwin used to press his face into Levi’s chest. The fact that he was sitting in Erwin’s lap made it possible, and he felt warmth fill him up as he wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck, lifting a hand to slide his fingers into the back of his hair to essentially cradle his head. Again, he took in and observed the vulnerability, the openness, and the way that Erwin seemed to be taking in comfort from their embrace. Did he still feel guilty, Levi wondered, for the decision he’d made even though he’d ended up giving in? Or, could he just be afraid too, like Levi had been — and still kind of was, really — that he would get too attached and then lose him one day?

The questions remained in Levi’s mind as they sat like that for a while, just holding each other, occasionally kissing, and talking about nonsense, until it became time for bed — at least for Erwin, who despite his late hours, still slept more than Levi did. Even so, though, Levi accompanied him and they curled up together under the blankets, with Erwin once again pillowing his head on Levi’s chest. Unable to fall asleep just yet, Levi held him tightly and ran fingers through Erwin’s hair, wanting to assuage any fear that might be there, and watching and listening as he slipped into unconsciousness and his breathing became deep and even. The seemingly ever present lines between his brows lessened too, and Levi noted how he appeared much younger like that, and almost kind of innocent.

Again, he couldn’t help but take in the intimacy of this moment too, along with the fact that a year ago, he had convinced himself he’d despised Erwin and had wanted to kill him with every single fiber of his being. Now, that same man was lying in his arms, fast asleep, and although Levi was, of course, consumed with an incredible, lighthearted happiness and contentment that he was sure he’d never experienced before, he also found a strong determination and resolve burgeoning up within him too — all because, after witnessing Erwin’s unguarded side, his vulnerability and the humanity that lay behind the hard, unrelenting mask he wore, he now knew what he had to do: _protect it._

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos appreciated :) you can find me on twitter at @damnchou


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